Lately it's been one of "those" periods of my life. I've been completely discontent with everything. I was sitting at the kitchen table today when I realized that wow. I have done nothing remarkable during high school. I feel like I've wasted the past four years of my life.
Everyone has their niche. I don't know what mine is, because I haven't found that one thing that I'm good at and passionate about. I feel like there's something I should be doing, but I have no clue what that something is.
And it hurts. Oh, it hurts so badly. I'm surrounded by driven, passionate people who know exactly what they're doing and....it makes me feel pale and cold and alone.
And I'll hear crap like "There are no small parts, only small actors" and wonder how that's supposed to make me feel better. My mom tries to tell me that there are many things I'm good at, but the world isn't looking for a girl who can hang spoons on her nose while writing mediocre papers on works of literature.
And the hardest part is that it never gets better. I'll be momentarily distracted by life but no, this feeling never goes away, no matter what I do.
3 comments:
Right up there with you. I say it's better to only be passionate about God until he leads you to do something else. This world is much too full with passionate people falling head over heals over the wrong things. Perfect family. Money. Awesome job. Amazing talents. Basically the American dream. However, when the storms come it'll be them, not you, who will be crushed. I'm not saying that to gloat over those whose plans have been destroyed by life, but to encourage those with no plans at all. They put their trust in worldly worries, but the believer puts their trust in an unchanging God. Sure it'll feel sucky not knowing what to do, and not having anything to do it with, but in my opinion that's the best place to be. You'll be more dependent. If you've got no preferences or talents or anything it's easier to be open to God's will if He tells you to be a firefighter or astronaut or librarian or something. And you won't even have to know how to do any of those things. He'll make it happen. You can still be driven and passionate, but instead of clinging to a superficial and dying world, cling to an unchanging God.
Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you."
Don't think I'm trying to preach at you, haha. Just felt led to share.
I agree with the person who commented above me - it's best to be passionate about God and let him direct you to other passions in life.
Just a forewarning, this could sound preachy, but I honestly don't mean it that way! I've just been learning a lot about God lately and it's sort of applicable.
Even if you do know what you're going to do, those plans will probably change. Mine certainly have. I went from *knowing* that I was going to college to become a biblical counselor to not having any direction at all, and - what possibly scares me more - to not having the decision entirely in my hands any more. So I had to find a new way to use my passion for hurting people.
God gave me that passion for a reason. I don't know what it is, yet, but I do know it's there for a reason and the most important thing is to follow Jesus in all that you do. Be open to following his direction. He might direct you in the strangest ways, too - for example, God directed me through Justin's insistence that I go to college and *also* through the enormous $100,000 debt we would both be in if I went where I had originally intended. Obviously, that knocked *that* plan right out of the water. At this point, though, I'm trying to figure out what God's plan for me is. I was convinced before, but now, I'm convinced that I was wrongly convinced. (How's that for a confusing sentence?)
At this point, my goal in life is to be a wife and a mother. How inconsequential. But I know it's right.
All that to say, develop a passion for Christ and he WILL show you what you need to be doing. And it could look insignificant (like mine does!). But God made you for whatever he has in store - he specifically made YOU, not me or anyone else, which should make you feel extremely loved. You have a unique set of spiritual gifts (as do all Christians). Look for God's direction about how to use them.
Also, sometimes, when you start something you won't feel passionate about it at all. You'll feel a little bit annoyed that this is *all* God has for you, and you won't want to do it, and you'll generally drag your feet. I've been there (and am there far too often). But once you start doing what God wants you to do, he sets you on fire.
Anyway. I have to go shower, but I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone & if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. As you well know.
Love!
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